I’ve just finished reading The Bell Jar, it was her only published novel before her suicide. Her story about depression she suffered from in the novel is to give readers comprehension how it feels to live in a distorted image, as seen through a bell jar.
At first the novel was funny. I even laughed at some parts where her thoughts wittily mocked her peers, jokingly or not. But as I read the book, it became darker and more serious. It hooked me up and I couldn’t stop reading the book. In the later part of the book did she explain her experience with depression and her struggles.
Depression is an interesting topic. Many take it lightly and even romanticize it, thinking it’s cool be depressed or okay to self-diagnose. But as explained in the novel, there is nothing beautiful about depression. Esther, Sylvia’s alter ego in the novel, couldn’t write nor read because of the depression she suffered from. She could not even sleep for days and it was like hell for her. She sought help because she couldn’t stand her condition.
There was no clear reason of her depression. But her fig tree quote, shown below, showed how she wanted to be everything. She could not decide, and she was afraid that she ended up being nothing. I can relate to this trigger because now I am in my early twenties, the same age her she was in the novel, and I want to be everything. I have so many ambitions and I am not patient enough to wait for things to happen. I force things to happen, but I am incapable of writing my future and it drives me crazy.
And often, I just lay on the floor doing nothing because I just can’t do anything. I feel that my passion is sucked out. But after I read this novel, I learn to be more patient. Because honestly, I don’t want to end up like Sylvia Plath. I want to embrace life. I don’t want to be in an asylum or have electroshock therapy. I want to be happy and grateful for what I have.
Thoughts Exhibition 